I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
