so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
