Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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