hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
