it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
