Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
