Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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