apparently the secret to your success is patron
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
