I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
