I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
