dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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