Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize