I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
