Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you had me at cake vodka
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
