My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
