Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
