everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
