I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is the high leading the old right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
