I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
