What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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