So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Farmville is her only friend.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize