Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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