just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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