are you still at the devil's house?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My ATM looks so different sober.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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