Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
