Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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