What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
