You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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