Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
