Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
