True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
