She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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