Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
