dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
