At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
