I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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