He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
