A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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