Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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