I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
