It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize