ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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