...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize