my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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