I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
