wat bout pragnant strippers??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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