I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
