I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
