people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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