If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
