There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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