Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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