the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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