If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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