i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Randomize
