Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
