From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
