There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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