he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
